Magical Thinking and Intuitive Eating

It’s hard to fix something if you’re trying to fix the wrong thing.

I read this recently, its truth is so ridiculously obvious and yet, so elusive. Sometimes the thing that needs fixing is hard to identify, and once figured out it can be even harder to heal.

The glut of messaging suggesting that a beautiful life is a happy life is hard to escape these days. They mean well, these people in the sun with their sculpted bodies and curated tables of healthy food, smiling, laughing with friends, sharing their ‘good life’ to inspire us to take care of ourselves. Or do they? Maybe they’re actually working to make themselves feel better by feeding us their feed. Either way, what matters is what we think, and if you think a flatter stomach or better arms will bring you inner peace you’re engaged in magical thinking, you’re trying to fix the wrong thing.

I once lost 55 lbs. in 3 months. I believed that wearing a size 2 bikini was a worthy goal because then I would be the object of envy rather than the envier. The saggy skin on my thighs from losing so much weight so quickly could be hidden in my jeans but my raging inner critic was as loud as ever, reminding me I was mistaken if I thought I was finally good enough. I slowly gained the weight back (and more), the sagging skin filled in, and it would take many more rounds of dieting before I understood I was trying to fix the wrong thing.

Magical thinking allows us to believe the external solution—losing weight, exercising, the right clothes, friends, table setting, pictures, etc—will bring internal results, self-esteem, confidence, inner peace. If only it were true, every person who ever reached their goal weight or exercised regularly would actually be living the ‘good life’.

The point is, if you’re using food to cope with stress or doubt or emotions, and you want to change that you need to go inward and figure out what hole you’re trying to fill with food. It’s not new thinking that behaviors like drinking, smoking, and drug use, are coping responses to deal with unresolved or unmet needs. It is relatively new to apply this same thinking to food and overeating, but in fact research shows that Intuitive Eaters develop better self-esteem, a sense of well being, and experience less disordered eating.

It took me SO long to figure out that I was trying to fix the wrong thing, but once I got it I stopped using food and developed a healthy relationship with eating that’s never left me. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person, I want to shout this from the rooftop, to spare you from the same pain and misery I experienced, and so I write.