The Abstinence Myth, or How to Make Peace with Food
What’s your favorite food? Are you undone by sweets or are you a savory person? A fried food lover? Me, I love bread, pasta, fries. Let’s try a little thought experiment: If I suggest you keep plenty of that food, whatever your favorite is, in your house what’s your first thought? Take a minute, what’s going through your head at the thought of buying your favorite food/s in abundance and having them in your house, or ordering them when you go out?
You’re not alone if it’s some version of, no way, if it’s in the house I’ll eat it, or, if I order it I’m going to finish it. We tell ourselves that if we have the self control to abstain from certain foods we are managing our relationship to them. But what if not abstaining is exactly how to manage obsessive cravings and make peace with food?
Think back to a time when you found yourself obsessed with a new pair of shoes, or maybe a new car. It’s stuck in your mind and you need to have it. You take the leap and make the purchase, at first it gives you all the satisfaction you imagined, you can’t wait to get in that car and drive. And then … and then it begins to fade … you still love it but now you dread sitting in traffic again.
Remember falling in love? At first you’re obsessed, consumed, you can’t stop smiling, you’re lost in your thoughts, you forget to eat or call your friend back. Eventually the novelty wears off, you’re still in love but your feet touch the ground again (thank God), you’re able to think, eat, focus on work, answer that text from your friend and feed the dog (or cat).
Well, believe it or not that’s what happens with food, the more you ‘allow it’ the less you think about it. You begin to normalize, or neutralize, it. The initial feeling of not being able to control yourself shifts as you begin to trust yourself around highly charged foods. You’re able to take a breath and consider whether you really want it, or you want it because you’re not supposed to have it.
When you’re neutralizing a food there are a few tips that can help:
Try to eat the food when you’re feeling physical hunger but not starving
If you’re working with sweets you’ll want to have them after a meal so you’re not trying to satisfy meal hunger with sweets
Focus on the taste, texture, and smell
Notice the flavor, does it change from the 1st bite to the third or 5th?
I’ll leave you with this: when you abstain from certain foods you are basically telling yourself you can’t be trusted around them. Intuitive Eaters trust themselves to know what they want and how much to eat, they’re not just in control around food, they’re enjoying their favorite foods without guilt or shame.
Want to know more about Intuitive Eating … schedule a free 30-minute call.